the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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