Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
