i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
