Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
