I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
