Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
