I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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