Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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