He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
