I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my liver is dry heaving
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.