Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
