Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So squirting runs in the family.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
