Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
