i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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