Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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