So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
