3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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