South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
