saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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