i think i have two assholes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
