If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
