this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
