She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
