So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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