He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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