the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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