we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
