what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
