SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
