I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
