you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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