My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
