I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
