I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
