I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
