My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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