the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
