I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
