smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
