5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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