do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
