Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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