Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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