I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
