dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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