i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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