I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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