epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
