On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
