well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
