dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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