Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
