Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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