While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize