1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
