Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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