I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
