I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
