Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
