watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
