apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
